I have a good life-- an intact family, an education, comfortable finances. Though I am not without my bratty moments, I am grateful every day for what I have. I'm going to be traveling the next couple of days so I won't be posting, but to anyone reading, I wish nothing but good will. In these economically and socially challenging times, a smile goes a long way.
Saccharine I know, but when I have a glimmer of optimism, I embrace it. I am a pessimist by nature and am not this happy very often!
I wrote this poem last year when I was in a similar mood. I think it has a lot of potential that still needs to be brought out. I think the last three lines are really strong, but I'm fairly certain I'm going to scrap a lot of this (particularly the "A relationship meant..." and "Life can be life..." lines--they feel cliched, no?). I'm curious to see what feedback it will get since I cannot trust myself. As William S. Burroughs said, writers are terrible judges of their own work.
Exposed Horizons
My hands at the ostrich wheel, driving down Oracle,
reflecting upon the revelations of the prior session.
How I've waded through the sea of nerves,
riding the nausea and confusing it for love.
How the addict crafts a byzantine delusion
justifying their self-abuse/medication,
I have seen the slick of desire as the affection of a friend.
Passion, as it has been presented to me, in lashings and spit
long told me that it was supposed to happen.
A relationship meant being another's breath and having another's breath.
The gray area is exposed to me wide--
the tires roll across the pavement at 55
but my mind is not warped in dread.
Life can be life without emotional trenches
and friendship can be friendship without branding.
Exposed, exposed, all I am all the time,
my guard has needed this respite for a long time, poor thing.
The horizon expands the further I drive
and I can feel the past not chip away, not crumble, not bury
but rather delicately fall behind my shoulders
and nestle itself in the recesses of my skull.
The featured poem is not related to mine, except maybe that it also deals with time. It's one of my favorite poems of all time by a great female poet, Edna St. Vincent Millay. I think we all have a fascination with "crazy artist," who is typically short-lived. Millay touches on that allure in this short poem, entitled "First Fig":
My candle burns at both ends;
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends—
It gives a lovely light!
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You're right - the last three lines are certainly the strongest.
ReplyDeleteLines 3-6 are also powerful.
I think the "A relationship meant ..." line needs to stay, unless you can think of a better closing line for the first stanza. That one has a certain half-finality about it that works for what it needs to work for.
"Life can be life ..." in and of itself is not a bad line. The combination of that line and the three other close repetitions (friendship/friendship, exposed/exposed, and time/time) makes for some odd juxtaposition that (I think) pretty significantly weakens the effect of what you're trying to say. Maybe to fix it, look at restating and rearranging some things?
On the whole, it's a lovely poem.
You seem to convey your own personal brand of satisfaction and reserved happiness, which strikes the light through the car windows and prisms over the dashboard and out onto the road. It's a beautiful combination, but (once again, you're right) the great potential remains potential in that it has not yet been fully reached.
You're pretty close to reaching it, though :)